There is a time and a place for interpretive portraiture... but I don't think this is one of them.
Sorry to be all judgmental about you or your wife or your special third grade artist but there is a reason that magazines and beauty salons show happy beautiful people in their advertising. Even if you tricked the MOMA into purchasing this original piece of art and even if you convinced someone that Chagall himself painted it for you, it's still not going to make people want to get their hair cut here. Use your head!!!