Sunday, October 15, 2017


Finally the season begins to turn. The Air Conditioners have become less and less, the heaters haven't turned on just yet. I am ever so grateful for the joy of sweaters and scarves, and I continue to visit my favorite place in all of New York. Work continues to be unpredictable and I often wonder if I'll ever just find my rhythm here. But we breathe, we prep food on Sunday, we take one step at a time. And we talk in the Royal "We"... apparently.

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Summer Blues

 I discovered that it only takes 30 minutes to get to Coney Island from my apartment. It takes longer to get to the library or Prospect Park... so today in my deep dark funk I went for the second time in two days. I may go again tomorrow. Yesterday it was grey and humid and gross but the beach was semi-free of people. Today it was sunny and beautiful and people littered the beach. That's the thing about New York. There's nowhere to go and be quiet. The most quiet place is my apartment but I don't want to sit at home all day, so I go out and try to find a place that is less noisy. I tried walking to Manhattan Beach and found mansions on the way and another beach even more packed with people. I took a moment to sit in the grass at a church. I was sure a security guard would make me leave but no one bothered me. I walked back to Brighton Beach and along the shore until the sun started to set and people started to leave, finally a patch of sand that wasn't jammed with people opened up. I just sat and watched the waves. I tried to not think about how noisy everything is and how plans don't seem to work out. I just tried to not think about the racists taking over the country and the megalomaniacs running the country and how any day I'm just going to see a flash of light and a loud noise and everything will be different. Just watch the waves. Just keep breathing.

Friday, June 30, 2017

Rainy day

I found myself on my commute home today admiring how beautiful everything gets in the rain. So sad that my phone doesn't have better resolution, I moaned about how overexposed everything was. Meanwhile, on my left hip was sitting my fancy Nikon SLR just being ignored. I had brought it to work for a quick portrait session and promptly forgot that I was hauling it along with all of my other possessions when it hit me; I am an idiot. I am carrying the perfect camera to capture these dewy leaves, I'm just so used to having the convenience of a phone that I forgot about the awesome power of a tool designed to do one thing very well.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Be Skeptical

It has now been a full year since I've received my MFA. I went to the showcase for the class of 2017 last week.
Although he has a hard time getting around these days our dear professor Ming Cho Lee actually showed up to see the work. He uses a walker, stairs are difficult, but he still loves talking about theatre.  At the end of the day, we gathered to toast the graduates and Ming was coerced into giving a toast which he began “I have some concerns…”  Classic Ming. His concerns were mostly that everyone thinks too much and feels too little ; “Stop being so goddamned pragmatic and start finding the romanticism in these stories”.  He also touched on our current political situation. A man who escaped Communist China and lived through the Great Depression and WWII has perspective on this trend of nationalism and choosing sides. On that topic he told us to be wary of concepts, to not easily align ourselves with any one idea. He said “be skeptical, have a sense of irony” I miss that man. Some people aren’t patient enough to hear what he’s saying but I am ever grateful that I got to study with him.  

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Best Seller

I write you from a time that I still could. I've read enough of the dystopian future to know this too will possibly get shut down. Freedom of press, freedom of speech, freedom in general is about to go underground. Today George Orwell's novel 1984 became a #1 best seller. Everyone wants to be prepared for the propaganda machine. For the double talk (Newspeak in the novel), for the authorities to tell us to deny the things we see with our eyes. This dystopian present is for the birds though. If I had my choice of fiction to live in it would be the Star Trek one where we've all learned to get along and are exploring space having philosophical discussions about interfering in under-developed cultures... sadly here we are. Hey Big Brother... here's my blog.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Can uke help me?

This year. This month. I believe it has many times been compared to a huge "tire fire" and I must say that isn't far from my experience. My fellow humans seem far uglier than I had ever thought before. My frustrations with being in a new place... deaths of heroes and the pending fall of Rome (so to speak). I have decided to become a ukulele player. That part isn't the tire fire but rather the only balm I can find for my aching soul and the knots in my stomach. Sweet tones, easy tunes and geared tuners! Geared! I used to play the violin and holy cow; gears and frets make this tiny guitar easy as pie. Quite rewarding. I once learned to play Bella Bartok on the violin, compared to that learning One Love on the uke is much like an easy trip to a Hawaiian beach. 

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

The final month.

In some ways I feel that the blogosphere has been mostly abandoned... thus this becomes more of a livejournal than a blog anymore. It's 5:30 in the morning. I am freaking out about graduating. On the one hand I'm more concerned about the time after graduating. I can't go back home. I left because I couldn't work there anymore and my love life was non-existant.  I left because it's too expensive and there is no way up without abandoning the arts. I left because the quality of my profession felt low... I miss home so much but it is gone.
So Now I'm looking at moving to a new place where I know very few people and I have no job offers. (panic)
Today I was hoping to finish my classwork so that I can move on to my thesis... but I could not. I was falling asleep (irony; no?) SO now I can't sleep because I'm also worried about finishing my thesis... while I'm in tech. I chose a piece with a lot of scenery. I'm excited about it but what if it's too much? Fuck!

Also; I'm about to lose the new home I've come to love. I'm going to lose all of my new friends to all corners of the world. I'm about to lose my studio-mates. I'm about to lose my libraries and shuttle rides, my costume shop, my book store.
I have to start all over again.  I'm so sad, and anxious. Even though these past three years have been full of frustrations, injustices and stress they've also had friends and art and amazing unexpected turns.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Bret C. Harte

My Friend Bret would have been 36 years old this March, but he died in 2005. He was one of those beautiful lights that just truly made the world a little better. I remember going to this dive bar in Oakland with him, a piano bar where the walls were decorated in old business cards from years and years of patrons with a piano perpetually out of tune, and we would stay out and discuss Shakespeare. We wanted to do a Tempest together since it was our favorite play at the time. He was just starting his directing career while working odd jobs and I was trying to gain traction on my design career. I remember working backstage with him, even on rough days he brought his warmest smile. So Now it is nearly his birthday and also nearly his deathday and I think of him. The last piece of writing from him that I have is a printed out email.  I was most upset to find that it's not still in my archives... I publish it here to leave for the wilderness of the internet to find. You were and still are so loved Bret.

March 17, 2005;
Hey there everyone!
it's short notice, but; 
What're you up to Friday night? I met this (very attractive) lady on BART last night who was carrying a sword, so I asked her "is that a sword?" and she said "yes it is." and I said "why do you have a sword on BART?" and she said "it's for bellydancing" and I said "Oh it's a scimitar" so she said "yep" and I said "do you know Angela Mae Thompson she's a fuckin' great bellydancer in the area" and she said "no" but I said "is that the only style you dance" and she said "yes, but it's not traditional, were' kinda a modern take on bellydancing so it's a bit more hip" and I said "kewl" and she said "here take this we have a show this weekend" and I said "keeeeeewl" and she said "yeah I also fire dance" and I said "you a burner" and she said "but of course" and got off the train. 
(no I didn't get her name or number)
So, I have this flyer for what looks to be a killer bellydance show on Friday and Saturday night . I can't go Saturday 'cause I'm working a BRT show where Danny Glover is giving a speech... whee!
So, whatcha doing friday?
Come see a killer show with me in SF!
Who's down? IF you need, I now have a crashable couch (and large cushy loveseat) here at my nifty new OakTown (aka Oakland) apartment. :)

I'm glad to say that yes, a good group of us took him up on the bellydancing show and it was amazing, we all danced like lunatics, we passed 'energy balls' (it's an acting excercise) on the dance floor. It was a beautiful night, and it was the last I saw my friend.

My lesson is this; appreciate the people you have in your life, say yes, love them every day and tell them as much. You will never regret it.