morning brain...

I woke this morning to the sound of Paul Simon and thought "that's odd... I love this song".

I fought with my arm falling asleep while I was half asleep and finally a loud song by the Ting-Tings startled me again.  I realized that I was Supposed to be awake. All that music had been planted... by me!

I've engineered my early morning alarm so that about an hour before I should wake up a thunderstorm starts my playlist... not enough to wake me up but enough to push my dreams forward, then slowly the list cycles through quiet "please wake up" songs like Oliver Mtukudzi's 'Wake Up' and Paul Simon's 'Diamonds on the Soles of her Shoes'.  Eventually the list turns loud with Prince and U2, hopefully by this point I'm feeling the need to get up, if that all fails the lists gets worse and worse until I am listening to Miley Cyrus and Band Aid.


I know it sounds complicated, but a normal alarm is so easy to just turn off (or throw across the room) while still in a dream state, rendering it totally ineffectual.  Every time it goes off I forget that there is a reason to be awake.

There is a fog that takes over my brain and it just doesn't burn off until about 10am.  My brain is the Pacific coast.

Old Windows

Artifacts find a life of their own as time takes its toll,

layers of paint, wear from light, and wear from use

make that which was once mundane beautiful and unique.

Why Dogs are Awesome

Seriously stuck in traffic... driving at 2mph (maybe) and going nowhere... and then I get a glance in my rear view mirror and see this dog LOVING life... also stuck in traffic wearing a cone. Instantly I feel better about sitting in traffic. At least it's a lovely day. Enjoy the breeze.

Faith v. Hope

This is what the bottom level of the Bay Bridge looks like on a good day... a day I can take a snap shot with my right hand and still be safe.
On a day when it's raining driving under this bridge gets you wetter than driving on the surface streets. On occasion there are random chunks of road that fall from the upper level that you have to drive around. Last year this bridge was closed because a cable snapped... (miraculously nobody was seriously hurt)

the bridge is crumbling; and yet I drive on it...

not so much because I have faith that it will hold up, but mostly I Hope it will. I hope that it's sound enough to stay up and that the authorities will close it again if it's not. I hope that the new span of the Bay bridge will be finished before this old one falls into the bay. It probably will, but I'm not sure.

Sometimes I feel like a lot of life is like this. I don't have any faith that things will turn out for the better, but I hope they will, so I keep on driving that way.

False advertising...

Forgive me this boring post... I've got Chinese New Year in the works... but meanwhile we discuss dental hygiene;
Don't get me wrong, I love my mouthwash, I've got happy cavity-free teeth... but um, I noticed a wee little mistake on the bottle today whilst I swished this about my mouth...

By "Alcohol Free"...

...they mean "made with alcohol".

Awesome.

The Bay Bridge

The Golden Gate bridge is our famous bridge, but the Bay Bridge is the one that most locals know more of. It lacks the mystique, it lacks the maintenance, it has far more traffic and it is crumbling as it is being re-built. The stalwart grey bridge wasn't made to be a beauty but it has a certain Teutonic charm to it. I find that on days when the fog hangs about San Francisco and the sun shines in Berkeley, there is a soft distance shown between the legs of the bridge. Utility becomes beauty when it meets nature and light.

Bushy eyed and Bright tailed

I have to get up early tomorrow... as I was prepping for the morning I realized that this...


...is the perfect illustration of how useless I am in the morning.

I cannot make oatmeal.

If I don't do this prep, I don't eat breakfast because it's too complicated. So here it is, my preparation for the morning; 1 cup of water in a saucepan on the stove, one half cup pre-measured oatmeal with one quarter cup rasins, fruit to grab, sugar to sprinkle... the coffee pot is ready to be turned on and the coffee cup is directly next to it. At least I've learned to live with my disability.

Ok enough fun, I need to go lay out my outfit for tomorrow and try to get to sleep early (sigh)

Grocery lists and paranoia...

I met a lovely woman with bad teeth and I found that as I listened to what she had to say I ran my tongue along the inside of my own teeth. I smile, I respond, we laugh... I go on about my day. I spent a long afternoon cranking out little alterations on polyester costumes and I feel like a real rock star. When all of your notes take about 5 to 10 minutes to finish, a lot of work can be done in an afternoon. Later in the day I was at the drugstore. I couldn't find the soap I came for, or find the correct size battery for my camera... I've never had much of a sweet tooth in the rewards department but I want a treat for all the work I got done. I find that I prefer getting snake oils that make me feel like I'm making my skin better, my hair shinier and my feet softer... so today it's a toothbrush and a facial soap that smells like bergamot. I roll my tongue across the fronts of my teeth, it feels like I've got some plaque that could be conquered... I wonder if there are some better foods I could be eating for my gum health. It's insane. My teeth are the one thing that I really hit the genetic jackpot with, but that's no reason to be lax about it. Not a filling in my head, and yet I always worry that one day all my teeth will fall out rotten to the roots. A flash of the woman's receding gums flashed in my head, but I shook it off... do my teeth hurt? I went to the grocery store... bread, greens, cheese, tomato soup, pomegranate... I think I left the Berkeley Bowl with two bags full of veggies since I've been lax in remembering to go to the farmer's market this month. When I got home I put all my groceries away while smacking my teeth... they just feel filmy, I think it's time to break out the new toothbrush! No wait, we floss first. Every gap, twice... did I miss anything? Perhaps I should hit the teeth with some mouthwash and then floss again... mmm, still feels weird... I brushed and ooh hard. It felt good, I love these Oral-B toothbrushes, perhaps I shouldn't scrimp on dental care with the $1 brushes I've been using. mmm... my mouth does feel funny, perhaps I need a dentist... I used the floride rinse again before walking away. I looked at the fresh food I had just bought but didn't want to eat... my mouth hurts a little I don't want to chew... why does my mouth hurt? I need to call a dentist!

I worried about it for the rest of the day until the morning.

Then reason kicked me in the head "hey dumb ass, your mouth hurts because you just assaulted it with three flossings, a firm 15 minute brushing and a double rinse." Oh yea... maybe that's it.

Ah Autumn

Today oddly felt like the first day of Fall. The air smelled of dry leaves, the breeze was crisp and the sky was amazing. Autumn is by far my favorite season so it's strange that today feeling like September should make me so melancholy for the want of summer. There has been no true summer here. Not that there usually is in the bay area, usually there are a few hot dry weeks in August that require skirts, popsicles and the inevitable escape to the lake. Perhaps there will be a surprise Summer before the true Fall hits, but then living by the shore in a mild climate it's hard to tell.