small differences...

If you didn't know, I spent two years at a public high school and two years at an arts high school...

This is what kids wore to prom from one of those schools

and this is what we wore to the other...

I wore a black jumpsuit...
Hmm can you guess which is which?

Antici.... (say it!) .... pation.

Berlin...

Munich...

Prague...

                                                                                

(oh yes, guest rooms/hostels/hotels and trains are booked... travel blog coming in 21 days)

Fog

THE fog comes
on little cat feet.

It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on.
---Carl Sandberg

Brevity/a Sunday

My internet decided to die at home, but the dog and I held it together... we went to the park and got caught in the downpour.  I then drug him into a torture chamber filled with soap and water, followed by an apologetic pig's ear.  The damp morning was soon followed by sewing nasty packing blankets into set covers... sadly it is taking longer than I would hope for... I would of course hope for the magical ability to wiggle my nose and have them assemble themselves, but somehow that is not working. 
Dog is tired of this joint.

Me too.
I'm going home to make myself something warm and garlic-y for this cold rainy Sunday.
Peace out.

The fashion police open up a whole new can of worms.

 (This is not a post about fashion.  This is a post about wearing clothes that fit you; physically, personally and mentally)

"Don't be judgemental"
"There are all kinds of beauty"
"Don't feign to be so superior"!

How DARE I judge on appearance?!

I am a sartorial sociologist. All day, on most days, I observe people and think about what they are wearing, why they are wearing it, what they look like in it, how they might feel wearing it, how long they've had it, where they might have obtained it.   I consider the fashion trends and designers that came together in one look, or perhaps the methods of construction, draping, aging... the cultural background of the person, aesthetics, color choices... That's right, you feel like you're being watched?  It's me. (I am Jacques Cousteau and you are all beautiful little fishes)

I do not make these observations out of a catty need to criticize.  It is a main reason that I am a costume designer and not a fashion designer. I am interested in variety, tatters, textures, odd choices. I like mud and grit and the bizarre turns of human experience. If I were a fashion designer I would be more interested in form than in context.  If you know me, you know I am no fashionista.

In my profession I interact with people on a rather intimate level. My first encounter with an actor will usually begin with me and a tape measure. It is the truth teller. It is the enemy. Everyone has some preconceived idea of what they should be or what they were and it seldom is the same as reality. People also have horrible preconceived ideas of what "size X" should look like (so wrong!). My first interactions involve collecting information, reassuring egos and discussing or dodging deep insecurities.

Consequent interactions are a negotiation of my vision of the play and the actor's bravery to go along with it and trust me (or not). I will make them look as much like their character as possible, sometimes that means making them more beautiful, and sometimes it means making them look old, sick, slovenly... purposefully so.

Throughout this process I learn about everyone's body issues. Everyone has them. Most people (women more often than men) think that "Nobody makes jeans for me". You would not believe how many times in a week I can hear "I just have a weird body". Maybe 5% of the time I meet someone who truly has a "weird body" with such odd proportions I double check measurements.  (Not just actors either, I do alterations for every day people who may not be scrutinized as often as actors are but still carry around the same insecurities.)

Fun Fact I learned in fashion school; Every fashion brand hires "fit models" of a variety of sizes in what that brand deems to be 'ideal proportions'. These are the people that are used to check how a clothing line will look on 'real people', not just runway models.  Only 8% of the population qualifies to be a fit model. That is why Nothing fits you off the rack, that's why tailoring is your friend. It also accounts for the popularity of stretchy clothes, because they have a lot more forgiveness in fit.

The trouble with the standardization of beauty is that most people are walking around feeling like they are the weird one. They do not see the great variety of people because they never have to shop for other bodies. No it's "just me". Worse yet are the people who think that they are nothing special, that they shouldn't care about their appearance because they can never look like what 'beauty' is supposed to be.

There are many things that are more important than appearance but from what I have observed in both others and in myself; when we say that appearance does not matter at all, it is giving up on the possibility of being beautiful. It is throwing your hands in the air and saying "eh F** it!"

(hang on I'm coming to my point )

My glib denouncement of stretch pants was the tip of the iceberg in what is a somewhat shallow blog (Postcards isn't a forum, it's a quick hello/goodbye... usually).

Rejecting fashion and the current mode of beauty is fine. That is not a problem. That is having an aesthetic and a will. The problem is accepting fashion and beauty as it is fed to you and letting its unattainable nature wound your self worth.

Why wear clothes that don't fit? From my experience it is from a sense of 'should-be's. You think you should be a size 8, but can't handle the scrutiny of the fitting room mirror and the truth that you are a size 12... this is how muffin-top happens. This is when the shopper falls in love with a pair of pants that will fit "if I just lose 5 pounds"
(because I can't have beautiful things until I look the way I imagine I should)
--I'm sorry I keep using examples of fat, there are also people in denial of breast size, belly size, lack of hips, excess butt, flabby arms, long torso, short arms, age issues... such a kaleidoscope of human variety... I just relate to the weight issue first so that is what I am using--

What I am Offended by are the people (and yes, mostly women) who live in denial. I want to scream at the women who look at the magazine and shop for what they want to look like rather than what they do look like. I want to hold an intervention for the women who leave the house without looking in the mirror, because it's too painful, because it's too much work, because "I'm not worth it, don't look at me"
... because I have been guilty of All of these sins.

Why should you not wear these fashions that do not look good on you? Because you can look good, you can do better. If you think you look good in fat rolls and see-through pant/tights, we have a difference of opinion.  From my experience such fashion mishaps are not because the wearer thinks they actually look good in these clothes, rather because they think the clothes look good and that they themselves are therefore inconsequential.

Is that judgmental?  Probably.

--I'd like to thank Lizz for the provocative link that prompted this post.

brevity/vomit

I don't know what the dog had eaten for Fat Tuesday, but by the morning it was on the living-room carpet. The dog stood hungover, nose to the door, pleading in a silent chant; "open the door... open the door... just open the damn door."


--yea the day got better. The dog got better... I may however use this morning's vomit in my great American novel someday.

Hide your shame... Please.

(this blog post is rated PG-13 for strong language)

I've got to say it... what's with all of the spandex/ lycra/ skin tight clothes?  Tights are Not pants.

I look around and it's sometimes like living in a nudist colony with spray paint.  Sometimes someone can really pull it off with a great body that will look good in anything, but people please! Fat people Please!  Hell, moderately fat people... Please!  Just say no to the skin tight from head to toe look. 

New Rules;

1. no super skinny jeans may be manufactured in a size larger than 10 (and for the record, my fat ass is in this category.  Nothing personal, It's just wrong)  Gentlemen larger than a 34 waist (and I mean really you think you're a 32 but pull out a tape measure...) no skinny jeans for you!

2. Super-mini skirts over your nasty celulite showing (and obviously too small) tights do not fool us.  They do not make you look cooler or thinner, I don't care if you are 18 years old... step away from the mini skirt. 

3.  If you can look down and see the freckles through your clothes, turn around and put some damn pants on!

4. Rule; If we can see the fat above and below your bra or waistband; Your clothes are TOO SMALL. Go buy a bra with a bigger band size, a shirt in the next size up, pants with a larger waist  ... and those Spanx that you think are helping so much... they are just squishing your fat up.   

If you follow these simple rules, we will all be happier.
Thank You. 

brevity/sewing pains

I have one more day working as a stitcher.  The hourly wage sometimes feels luxurious (as opposed to the flat fee payment I often get).  The lack of responsibility is refreshing... and yet it grows old quickly.
Sitting in bad chairs doing repetitive work takes its toll on the body.  Daily trips to the gym help and yet my right knee aches from the up and down and side to side motions required to operate the machine.  My back hurts from the lack of support, my left shoulder has developed a large knot that has become persistent and my ass is getting sore sooner and sooner in the day.  I really don't know how people do this all year.  I especially pity the stitchers who have (and do) have to do this work in cramped, dark sweat shops. Ouch.  I am ready to get back to my other jobs.