Summer Blues

 I discovered that it only takes 30 minutes to get to Coney Island from my apartment. It takes longer to get to the library or Prospect Park... so today in my deep dark funk I went for the second time in two days. I may go again tomorrow. Yesterday it was grey and humid and gross but the beach was semi-free of people. Today it was sunny and beautiful and people littered the beach. That's the thing about New York. There's nowhere to go and be quiet. The most quiet place is my apartment but I don't want to sit at home all day, so I go out and try to find a place that is less noisy. I tried walking to Manhattan Beach and found mansions on the way and another beach even more packed with people. I took a moment to sit in the grass at a church. I was sure a security guard would make me leave but no one bothered me. I walked back to Brighton Beach and along the shore until the sun started to set and people started to leave, finally a patch of sand that wasn't jammed with people opened up. I just sat and watched the waves. I tried to not think about how noisy everything is and how plans don't seem to work out. I just tried to not think about the racists taking over the country and the megalomaniacs running the country and how any day I'm just going to see a flash of light and a loud noise and everything will be different. Just watch the waves. Just keep breathing.